7 Things NOT to Say to Infertile Couples

November 6, 2018

Having infertility is the most painful thing. You see everyone else post pregnancy announcements or birth announcements, pictures of their kids, saying things like “we weren’t even trying” and you wonder “when is it going to be my turn?” 

What’s frustrating the most to me is when people say they’re there for you to talk to, and when you do, they say insensitive things in return. Not to be mean, because obviously their intentions are good… sometimes I feel like people don’t realize how hurtful these responses can be.

“It’ll Happen!”

How do you know it’ll happen? Do you know how long we’ve been trying? How much money it costs for infertility treatment? You. don’t. know. This is the start of my list because I always hear it and it is beyond annoying and hurtful to me.

“Stop Stressing!”

Again, infertility is a stressful and emotional battle. You can’t NOT stress about it. When every one else seems to be posting pregnancy announcements, baby pictures, baby shower invites… it’s hard. You can’t help but wonder When will I be pregnant? When will it be my turn?

Besides, it’s a myth that everyday stress hinders your fertility.

“Just Adopt.”

Oh, sure! Do you want to loan me $33,000? I hate when people say “just adopt” like it’s an easy feat. It’s a long expensive process that’s not even a guarantee thing. Maybe I don’t want to adopt. Perhaps I want to feel my baby kick when I’m pregnant. I want to experience pregnancy.

“You’re Lucky You Don’t Have Kids.”

You’re right, Janet. I’m SO Lucky. I’m so lucky I get to watch everyone else get pregnant so easily while I can’t get pregnant on my own. I know babies cry, poop, fuss, and are a hassle. I’ve been to restaurants and stores where children are screaming and throwing a temper tantrum. Doesn’t mean I’m lucky. Miss me with that garbage.

“Maybe it’s not Meant to be.”

This is probably one of the most hurtful things you could ever say to someone battling infertility. Just don’t do it.

“Can’t you do IVF?”

If you’ve read my Infertility Story post or our IUI Journey, you’re probably aware that our only option is to IVF with ICSI. That comes with a heft price tag of $16,000.

You can help us… we have a GoFundMe set up for our IVF Journey. Any and all contributions and shares help us tremendously!

“You’re Still Young!”

Yeah, and my fertility rapidly decreases with every passing year. Your point?

Follow Our Infertility Journey

I plan to keep blogging about our Infertility Journey and what we plan to do in the future. You are not alone! Infertility sucks and can be embarrassing, I totally get it. Seeing other people get pregnant easily is NOT easy. Being invited to baby showers or seeing birth announcements suck. You’re happy for them, but incredibly sad for you.

Having non-infertile friends or family members can be tough, especially when they don’t understand how painful infertility can be. Some people just don’t know how to react and that’s okay!

The best advice I can give to you is to do you. Put yourself first and handle these things in the best way you can. Having a bad day? Cry it out! Let you feel your emotions. You don’t have to go to those baby showers… you also don’t have to deal with pregnancy announcements on social media. Mute accounts who make you sad on Facebook. It’s okay. After all, you are the only person who knows you best.

Follow our infertility journey to read more about what we’re dealing with and moving forward.

More Infertility Blog Posts

Rissa is a freelance illustrator and graphic designer alongside with managing her blog, So Very Me. She also runs a YouTube channel making family style vlogs and videos. When she’s not working, she’s usually playing video games with her husband and hanging out with her two pups, Kiba and Zoey.

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